Death
to America: the Rick Santorum Story
So,
Ricky won Colorado, Minnesota, and Missouri yesterday. I truly believe we as a
nation would probably be better off without all the people who vote for guys
like Rick Santorum. Is that wrong? Oh, well. Let’s give them Utah or Nebraska;
a big, open, landlocked state that doesn’t have too much important shit in it.
Then we build a wall around them. We can get the materials from that dumbass
wall Bush started building between Mexico and Texas. But I digress. Bush was
his own special kind of asshole and we are talking about this asshole. For the
record I have used profanity four times so far. Consider yourself warned.
Following
are some of Ricky’s more famous words of inspiration and my commentary on each
one. We’ve all heard these quotes and commentary on them but obviously some
people NEED A FUCKING REMINDER of the new low that a president Santorum would
take this nation to. I have bolded the particularly alarming parts of these
quotes. These aren’t in any special order or rank. The numbers are arbitrary.
It would be fun to make a game of it though. “Which Quote is the Dumbest?” It
would have to be a drinking game.
1) On homosexuality…
"If the Supreme Court says that
you have the right to consensual [gay] sex within your home, then you have the
right to bigamy, you have the right to polygamy, you have the right to incest, you have the right to adultery.
You have the right to anything... In
every society, the definition of marriage has not ever to my knowledge included
homosexuality. It's not, you know, man
on child, man on dog, or whatever the case may be. It is one thing."
Ok, first of all being gay or
lesbian and having sex with a child or a dog AREN’T THE SAME FUCKING THING YOU
JACKASS!!! Jesus H. how the hell is this man in politics. He just said that
homosexuals might as well be child molesters or practice bestiality. Not that
it matters but on a side note children and dogs aren’t consenting adults. He is
saying that homosexuals are no better than rapists. I know gay and lesbian
teachers. We don’t let child molesters become teachers.
… ß That’s me walking away from my
computer for a little break before my brain explodes.
…And
we’re back.
I should also add that there have
been societies throughout human history that made room in their culture for
homosexual and bisexual relationships. The Sumerians, Etruscans, Egyptians,
Greeks, Romans, many Native Americans (some of whom actually had a definition
for a third gender) and nearly every other group of people throughout history
took no issue with homosexuality. It isn’t until the Holy Roman Church gets
their dirty little mitts on western civilization is it ever a problem. Google
that shit Ricky!
"Is anyone saying same-sex
couples can't love each other? I love my children. I love my friends, my
brother. Heck, I even love my mother-in-law. Should we call these relationships
marriage, too? [Gay marriage] threatens
my marriage. It threatens all marriages. It threatens the traditional
values of this country. I'll die on that
hill [fighting for a ban on gay marriage]."
I wish one of these morons could
explain to me exactly how gay marriage threatens their own marriages. Like, if
gay marriage is legal suddenly straight couples everywhere will become so disillusioned
that they will just throw in the towel and say “screw it, why try?” He says
that gay marriage threatens his marriage. It sounds like he suspects his wife
of something very naughty. Am I alone, or does anyone else wish that he would
actually die on that hill? Too far?
“This is an issue just like 9-11. We
didn’t decide we wanted to fight the war on terrorism because we wanted to. It
was brought to us. And if not now, when? When the supreme courts in all the
other states have succumbed to the Massachusetts version of the law?”
Now homosexuals are terrorists.
ASSHOLE!!!
2) On foreign policy...
"All the people who live in the
West Bank are Israelis. There are no
Palestinians. This is Israeli land."
HOLY SHIT!!! Rick Santorum is a
magician on a scale that pales Dumbledore, Gandalf, and Merlin combined. He
just says the word and an entire people group belonging to an ancient culture
and tradition simply disappear. Who’s next!? “There are no Democrats!” “There
are no poor people!” Let me give it a try. There are no Santorum constituents!
Fuck, it didn’t work. (Ok, that one actually made me LOL)
"I would be saying to the
Iranians, you either open up those facilities, you begin to dismantle them and
make them available to inspectors, or we will degrade those facilities through air strikes, and make it very
public that we are doing that."
This last one sets a new precedence.
Never before has a candidate declared war before even being elected president.
I don’t care how you slice it. He just declared war on Iran. That’s lovely. I
don’t even need all of his other crazy babblings. I wouldn’t vote for him on
this ground alone.
“I don’t want to go to a trade war,
I want to beat China. I want to go to
war with China and make America the most attractive place in the world to
do business.”
Is there anyone he doesn’t want to
go to war with?
“I
think we should send a very clear message that if you are scientist from Russia or North Korea or from Iran, and you are going to work on a nuclear
program to develop a nuclear bomb for Iran, you are not safe.”
Nope,
I guess not. What’s next? “I hate skiing. Let’s bomb Norway.” Why did he have
to name names? Couldn’t he just say, “Hey, don’t give Iran nukes?” It sounds
like he really misses the Cold War.
3)
On the poor…
"Look
at the political base of the Democratic
Party: It is single mothers who
run a household. Why? Because it's so tough economically that they look to the
government for help and therefore they're going to vote. So if you want to
reduce the Democratic advantage, what you want to do is build two parent
families, you eliminate that desire for government."
(Deep breathe)
This
one is personal. I was raised by a poor single mother. She always had a job.
Sometimes she had two and went to night school. She got grants from the
government to pay for school and yes, we received welfare benefits sometimes.
She was a single mother because my father was a lying, cheating, abusive drug addict
and I have the scars to prove it. I have zero fucking tolerance for deadbeat
dads and I find Santorum’s comments disgusting and deplorable. Should my mother
have stayed in that abusive and dangerous relationship? Besides, his
information couldn’t be further from the truth. The Democratic political base
is single mothers? What the hell? Not even close.
… (exploded brain averted)
"I don't want to make black people's lives
better by giving them somebody else's money. I want to give them the
opportunity to go out and earn the money and provide for themselves and their
families."
The
context here is that he is talking about welfare reform and poverty. He is
implying one or all of three things here. Either he’s saying that only black
people use welfare, or the only poor people are black people, or he only wants
to deny poor black people welfare benefits and not poor white people. Which
asshole does he want to be?
“I
mean, you have people who don’t heed those warnings and then put people at risk
as a result of not heeding those warnings. There may be a need to look at
tougher penalties on those who decide to ride it out and understand that there
are consequences to not leaving.”
This
is his response to the people who suffered and continue to suffer through the
destruction and aftermath of hurricane Katrina. You know who didn’t evacuate
Louisiana and Mississippi? POOR PEOPLE!!! Ricky is saying that we should charge
the poor people who didn’t have the wherewithal to walk hundreds of miles with
a crime. Does his audacity have no limits?
And
the coup de grace…
“If
you’re a Christian, suffering is a part
of life. And it’s not a bad thing, it is an essential thing in life … There
are all different ways to suffer. One way to suffer is through lack of food and
shelter and there’s another way to suffer which is lack of dignity and hope and
there’s all sorts of ways that people suffer.”
I
will permit those of you who found this as shocking as I did a moment to
collect yourselves.
WHAT
THE FUCK!!! A lack of dignity and hope; homelessness and starvation are an
“essential” part of life and “it’s not a bad thing?” This is where I begin to
feel hatred towards someone. When has he EVER been without dignity!? When
exactly did he serve his time as a homeless and starving person!? Children are
dying and he thinks it’s a good thing. That may be a leap but it fucking works.
He is an Ayn Rand fan by the way.
“Yeah,
remember, under the Bush administration, welfare — I mean, excuse me, poverty
among African Americans and among single unmarried women, poverty was at the lowest rate ever in the history of this country.
So Obama’s policies are not working, Bush
polices worked! For long a time as a matter of fact.”
Ok,
this is just a bold-faced lie. Poverty across the board rose dramatically under
Bush. The economic collapse was under Bush. Unemployment reached its highest
rate since the depression under Bush. I think Ricky’s been getting his “facts”
from Glen Beck.
4)
Random crazy shit he said…
"One
of the things I will talk about, that no president has talked about before, is
I think the dangers of contraception in
this country. It's not okay. It's a
license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are
supposed to be."
First
of all, where the hell is this “sexual realm” you speak of? Why didn’t anyone
tell me about it? “Sexual realm” sounds like a parallel universe where everyone
is getting laid all the time. We need to get our physicists to work on that
shit. I’ll vote for the candidate who promises funding for a trans-universe
spaceship to the sexual realm.
All
kidding aside, he is an idiot. He is assuming that the only people using
contraceptives are sex crazed and depraved teenagers and prostitutes. Married
couples use birth control also. Most of us don’t want thirty-seven children.
People are going to have sex and lots of it. Is he suggesting that if we get
rid of the birth control that people will stop having sex? Not likely. It is
natural and fun and fundamental part of our nature as a species. If anything is
unnatural it’s not having sex.
“I
would argue this right to privacy
doesn't exist in my opinion in the United States Constitution.”
What
can I say? This one doesn’t even need commentary.
"Drill
everywhere... There is no such thing as
global warming."
Again,
Rick Santorum is a wizard. He just made global warming disappear. Let me take
another stab at it. Morons who disregard solid, measurable scientific facts
don’t exist. Curses, how does he do that?
“The American Left hates Christendom. They
hate Western civilization.”
This
has gone on long enough. I will end with this last one. According to nearly any
pole you look at the U.S. is split almost 50/50 Democrat and Republican;
liberal and conservative. With this statement he has just generalized,
marginalized, and made an enemy of half of the country. He might as well have
just said that all the women in the country hate god and America. He wants to
be the president of the United States of America. That means all of us. Even
those he doesn’t agree with. He is responsible to listen to all of our voices.
He has already said that he not only won’t be listening to half of us but he
actually equates us with fascists, communists, and terrorists. By the way,
there are America loving, Christian Democrats as well.
Please
America; please don’t elect this man president. I believe in you. I believe we
can do much, much better. And no, I sure as hell don’t mean Newt-fucking-Gingrich
either.
(From now on anytime
you think of him you have to think Newt-fucking-Gingrich.
Rick-fucking-Santorum, Hey, it works for him too!)
