I saw this book at the library and thought to myself, “WHAT THE FUCK! What’s next, the Fox and Friends ABC’s?” And then I got inspired to ponder what that might look like.
A is al-Qaeda, they’re hiding under your bed.
B is for Bush, Christ on Earth until Christ returns.
C is for capitalism, keeping poor people in their place
D is for Democrat or devil, they’re the same thing
E is for evil, again referring to the Democrats
F is for freedom, why the terrorists hate us.
G is for gay marriage, why god sent us hurricane Katrina
H is Halliburton, a shining example of American business ethics and ingenuity.
I is for ignorance, the reason our ratings are so good.
J is for Jesus, ‘cause we want to get into heaven
K is for karat, help out our sponsors and sell your wedding ring to pay for groceries.
L is for labor force, damned socialists
M is for money, in god we trust
N is for Nazi, (see Democrat)
O is for Obama, (see Muslim, socialist, freedom hater who wants take your guns and teach your kids to be gay)
P is for pagan, anyone who doesn’t watch Fox.
Q is for quadratic equation, we don’t know what it is but it sounded smart.
R is for Republican, the party prophesied by the bible to deep-throat all other countries with our big democracy cock.
S is for Sarah Palin, she’ll always be V.P. in our hearts
T is for Trump, Vote Trump in 2016
U is for USA, USA! USA! USA!
V is for vote Republican, or god will send you to hell.
W is for Watergate, was it really all that bad?
X is for xanthochroids, that’s a word, right?
Y is for Yankee, the south will rise again.
…and Z is for zilch, the amount of substantive programming you will see on our network.